Okay, so I haven’t written anything in a while. I’ve been busy Christmas-ing and family-ing for the past couple of days.
Let’s just say I made my holidays extra special this year.
And of course, it’s not because of the gifts, the parties, or the food.
They’re background characters in 2022.
It’s the people, their stories, our laughs, the memories that made it extra.
Oooff. Too cheesy? Then get outta here.
Kidding.
Let me do it okay?
Because unlike you, I didn’t get any raise, in fact, I lose some money. I didn’t get any promotion, in fact, I’m looking out for a stable job. I didn’t get any taller, in fact, it’s been like that for the past 6 years.
The last one’s too sad.
But still, this is not a call for your pity. I’m telling you, this year has been awesome.
I no longer seek the approval of my family and friends.
Instead, I opened up to them. I told them my stories whether boring or not, I told them how I felt about certain stuff, and I told them what I want. I’ve been honest. And that’s what I’ve been doing with you every week. It is goddamn scary every time but I’m still here.
I crave failure.
Yes failure sucks. It isn’t like a dance or a sport that when you do it on repeat a thousand times, you’ll get used to it. As a master of failure, I can say that you’ll never get used to the pain of failing. But you know why I crave it? Because I get better every single time.
I know I know, I’m crazy if I think losing some money is awesome and staying stagnant is great.
That’s not my point, okay?
This year, I felt free.
It feels like everything that I did this year, I was excited and terrified.
Of course I hit brick walls when attempting to do some of them.
But the fat kid in me who’s so afraid to fail, so conscious of his every move is finally putting up a good fight against doubt and insecurity. (Notice that I didn’t use the word win)
And to be honest while doing that, I realize something.
I entered a never-ending battle.
The doubt and insecurity always come back. And I mean Sokka’s boomerang from Avatar Legend of Aang levels of coming back.
Whenever I see progress, they’re back to pay me a visit.
![Twitter avatar for @TheSchoolOfLife](https://substackcdn.com/image/twitter_name/w_96/TheSchoolOfLife.jpg)
There’s always a small voice in the back of my head telling me I was stupid to throw away a good career in the government for something I had no experience in.
That my personality doesn’t match my ambition.
And that nobody cares what I write about.
But that’s okay.
Now my life is based around focusing on what matters.
And that means eliminating the bullshit. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather get visited by doubts often than let them clamp me forever.
I want to be free.
Ironically, losing some money and being a little stagnant made me a couple of steps closer to that.
So before we all enter 2023 let me give you the 3 things that I did for the past 12 months to feel and be free-er.
Push through
Don’t be afraid to do what excites you. People aren’t scared of the thing that they’re scared about. They’re scared because results are uncertain. But as Marie Curie says:
Be true
You don’t have to hide your true self. You’re not unique enough to not have anyone understand you.
Go talk to people—your friends, your family, that guy on the internet you agree with. (And no, your dog doesn’t count.)
Express yourself to them.
The first person might not care, and maybe the second one too. But there is always a next one. Find them and feel common.
Think
Yep. I’ll be so vague with this one. Just think.
Social media loves to keep you dumb and powerful people adore it.
So don’t get caught up with what you know right now. Challenge your beliefs, question what they say.
Trust me on this.
Sincerely,
Johnrille “free-er everyday” Manalo
P.S. It should be a M.E.A.N. email today but I was Holiday-ing so I haven’t curated much. But I’ll send one next year. (hehe get it?)
P.P.S. I honestly don’t care right now if anybody reads this but I won’t lie that it’s nicer to talk with someone on the other end. So go, share this with others!
Happy new year! You inspire me to do what I want and you convinced me to look for a career I would actually love, something that I have put in the backseat for some time now. Wish you all the happiness and success John. ^_^
I can’t even begin to explain how incredibly proud I am of you. Yes, you may not have the “successes” as defined by society, but damn, you were able to do what others can’t — to start building what you really are. That’s super scary - I should know. But you did it, love. I don’t know what’s more successful than that.
Here’s to more fails in the future. Love you, always.